


Of Two Minds

by QDS



Category: Life on Mars
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-26
Updated: 2009-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-08 03:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QDS/pseuds/QDS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/pill_so_sweet/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/pill_so_sweet/"><b>pill_so_sweet</b></a> for the <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/lifein1973/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/lifein1973/"><b>lifein1973</b></a> 2009 Ficathon. Prompt: Chris/Annie, happy families, second best. AU from the continuity of <i>Ashes to Ashes</i>.</p><p>I saw the prompt and in seconds I saw the plot and was curious to see if I could do it. Angst isn't the word for it; more...melancholic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Two Minds

  
The locked turned on the front door, and Nancy looked up from her building blocks on the living room floor. She counted to ten, and at ten, she leaped up to meet Daddy's legs just as he got to the living room door.

"Hey, Nancy me girl!"

"Daddy!"

Nancy grabbed his right leg and held on tight. Daddy put his bag down and pretended to run away, but he couldn't because she had a strong hold on him.

"Oh no, the great Nancy beast has trapped me! Help, help!"

Nancy giggled. He looked really funny trying to escape from her.

"Somebody, anybody help me!"

A loud chuckle came from the kitchen, and Mummy appeared through the kitchen door. She put her hands on her hips, and looked between the two of them.

"And just what are you two up to?"

Nancy beamed up at her. "I've caught Daddy and he can't get away!"

Daddy looked at Mummy pleadingly. She shook her head, but she was smiling when she bent down to tug at Nancy's waist. Nancy struggled a little bit, but soon Mummy had her off, and was lifting her off the ground and pushing her into Daddy's arms. She wrapped her legs around him, put her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Now that's more like it. Daddy has captured the Nancy beast!"

Mummy raised her eyebrows. "With no small help from Mummy."

Daddy turned back to Mummy and gave her a big smile. It was a different smile then on the days that Mummy went to work with him. He must have missed her a lot when she wasn't there. Nancy thought it must have been very nice for Mummy and Daddy that they worked together.

"Alright, love?" he said in his softer, grown up voice.

Mummy nodded. She squeezed his hand and said that dinner was ready. Daddy carried Nancy into the kitchen, and lowered her into one of the grown up chairs in there. James was sitting at the high chair.

Daddy bent down and looked at James directly in the face. "And how are you, little man?"

James gurgled in response, and slapped his high chair table enthusiastically. Nancy giggled at that; she could remember being in that chair, and she especially could remember when she was too big for it when she'd tried to climb into it and it had crashed to the ground.

Daddy sat down, and Mummy began serving dinner. Dinner was actually Nancy's favourite meal. Breakfast always went too quickly, when they'd fall into the car while she could still taste toast on her tongue, and it was fun eating lunch with her friends at school and swapping their snacks, but dinner always meant they could sit and be together. Both Mummy and Daddy looked tired but happy as they chatted about the day, and Nancy felt tired and happy and told them what she'd learned at school (James just liked to bounce a little on his chair.)

After dinner, Daddy washed up while Mummy sat with James on her lap and Nancy leaning against her in the living room. Not all dad's did that; Ally at school said her Pa didn't do any housework at all. But Nancy could see Mummy looking very tired at the end of the day, so it was nice that Daddy did that. When he was done, Daddy would join them, and while the TV was on, they'd all sit quietly.

So quietly that sometimes Nancy would begin to fall into a happy sleep long before bedtime.

*

Annie wasn't used to wearing something so high at the neck. Or so tight at the cuffs. But it was one day of her life, and her friends and mother had all agreed she looked gorgeous in this dress, and she had to admit they had a point, so she'd bore it with a smile.

It had been worth it. Chris hadn't been able to help himself; he'd grasped her hand and pulled her close as she stepped up to the altar, and he'd whispered in her ear that she looked absolutely beautiful. His sincerity when he'd said it always made her feel warm, and on this day particularly the affect could have made her burst.

The service was a simple one, but the reception was an enormous party. The Guv had quietly given them some extra cash to make it so. They'd protested, but the Guv had said that if two of his best coppers were going to marry he bloody well expected a cracker of a party afterward.

The result was quite something. Even the Guv had been impressed with it, complimenting Annie's mum on organising such a night.

The line of the dress came just under her bust, and it felt a little like her breasts would burst out of it sometimes. But it was gratifying when Chris took her on the dance floor and he'd murmured some of things he was planning to do with her later that night. She'd playfully smacked him on the bum for that, which had earned a loud whistle from Ray and a cheer from the Guv.

It was quite late when she stepped out of the marquee to go to the edge of the garden, full glass of champagne in hand. She turned back to look at the marquee. She'd wanted to do this for about an hour; just stand back from it all and watch the party from a distance. There were her university friends, some of whom Ray was trying his luck with (much to the annoyance of the bottle blonde he'd brought with him). Phyllis was chatting with Chris's parents, while the Guv was spinning Mum on the dance floor (while Dad, not the jealous type, watched nervously from the side, more so to make sure Mum didn't crash into the three-piece band.)

Satisfied, Annie closed her eyes, the warmth of the alcohol murmuring down her skin. She sighed, and decided that this was contentment. When she opened them again, she couldn't help jumping a little. Somehow, Sam had managed to walk from the marquee towards her in silence and unnoticed.

He looked good. His tie was undone, and he's holding half a glass of red wine near his chest. With the white dress shirt and the tuxedo jacket the affect is striking.

Annie tries to tell herself that the heat she feels in her chest is the alcohol.

"You're surely not missing your own reception, are you?"

She shook her head. "No. Sometimes I just like to stand back from it all and watch, see how people are going, what they are doing." She grinned, a bit wickedly. "Observe them, form an opinion on why they're behaving. That sort of thing."

Sam chuckled. "Ah, that's your psychology training rearing up again. Do you want me to leave you to it, your observing?"

"No." Annie shook her head for emphasis. "Please stay."

Sam moved to stand beside her, and for a long while, they were silent. Until Sam broke it with a serious question.

"What will happen now? With work I mean?"

It was a topic she and Chris kept skirting around, and one that others had opinions on that she'd rather not have heard because they lead to the same conclusion. Despite everything had happened between them, at least she could still tell Sam and he'd understand. That she knew all too well.

"I'd like to keep on working. I really really would."

"Then do. You should."

Annie shrugged. "But I want children as well and…it will difficult be having both."

That was definitely everyone else's argument. Why be stressed out when they could probably manage on one salary? She could always get a part-time job in an office or a shop if they really needed it, right?

"Besides," she added. "Not sure how the Guv would take it."

"It's…well, it's 1976, so it's going to be hard, but…"

He shook his head, and then gently grasped Annie's shoulder.

"I'll have a word with the Guv. We can sort something out I'm sure."

Annie raised an eyebrow. "You'll try and convince the Guv?"

"Oh, believe me, I can be quite persuasive." And he winked at her, which gave her a fit of giggles, but his expression ran serious almost immediately, and it brought her giggles to an abrupt end.

"Besides…we'd miss you around the station."

That made her breath catch. She didn't want it to, but it did.

"Sam…"

But he shook his head, and she didn't finish the thank you she didn't quite know how to put in words.

Instead, Sam raised his glass to her, and Annie leaned in and clinked her own to it.

"Congratulations. I really mean it."

She smiled at him, but her hand wobbled a little as she drew it back and took a halting gulp of the champagne. Sam took a swifter sip of his wine, and for a moment looked at the ground. He then nodded a farewell, and left her alone. Annie turned so she didn't watch him go back to the marquee, but she had a feeling he wasn't going to be staying for much longer.

And oddly, she was glad of it.

*

Later that night, as Mummy was helping her into bed, Nancy asked a question, knowing what the answer was.

"How did you meet Daddy?"

Mummy shook her head, but she was grinning. "You know how, I've told you how many times before? You tell me."

Nancy sighed, but she did it anyway. "You and Daddy were working together for a long time then you realised you loved each other and that's when he asked you to marry him."

"That's right." She tickled Nancy a little bit. "See, I told you you remembered it."

"I know, but…" Nancy shrugged. "I like when you say it. It's a nice story."

Well, Nancy thought it was a nice story. When she told Ally, Ally said that it was pretty boring since Nancy's parents had really exciting jobs being coppers and all. Shouldn't Nancy's Daddy have rescued Mummy from some criminals to make it really romantic?

Mummy smoothed her hair behind her head. "It is a nice story, yes. You see, Daddy was very kind to me when I was feeling sad one day."

That was a new bit of information. Nancy half sat up.

"Really! Why were you feeling sad? Was it getting hard being a policewoman?"

That made Mummy laugh really loudly. "Oh, it's always been hard being a policewoman, but that wasn't it."

"Well what then?"

Mummy gently took Nancy's shoulders and lowered them to the bed. "A friend of mine…had made me feel sad. And Daddy helped me, which was…really lovely of him."

"He hugged you lots?"

"Yes. Yes he did."

Nancy nodded, and she turned over on her side to go to sleep, very pleased with this bit to add to the story of how Mummy and Daddy got together.

*

Third time it had happened, and as Annie finished her drink in four large gulps, she decided she had had enough.

Sam had bought a car a few months back - small and quite cheap. That had excited Annie; she'd started imagining short trips up to Blackpool or even down to London, perhaps some walks in the Lake District. Something to do together.

Turned out though, that Sam had other ideas.

"It's not you," he kept saying. "I just…need some time alone, that's all."

Time alone was one thing, but when he failed to tell her when he was going off for that time alone, that was another matter entirely.

She sauntered up to the bar and tried to catch Nelson's eye. When he finally turned to her, she began ordering, when the drink appeared in front of her before she'd finish speaking. It was just what she was after. She blinked twice, and then her eyes followed the hand that was still clutching the glass till it came to Chris's face. His expression was concerned, but warm.

"Thanks Chris."

He drew his hand away, back to his own drink. "Well, it looks like you could do with one."

Annie snorted as she raised her glass to her lips.

"Could do with ten more, frankly."

Chris frowned. "That's not good. Everything ok?"

Didn't she just say that, more or less? "Does it sound like I'm ok?"

Immediately, Annie felt bad saying it. Chris looked dejected. He was trying to help and it was hardly his fault she was feeling that way.

She sighed. "It's…well…things aren't going so well with Sam."

"Oh." Chris looked a little sad at that. Annie wondered if it was the typical reaction that many people had when a seemingly stable couple broke up; it _they_ can't keep it together, then what chance do the rest of us have?

Then Chris nodded, sympathetic. "Hey, I totally get it with the Boss. Even after all that crap with Morgan, he was pretty good. But…I dunno. He's always been kind of…complicated?"

"Yeah, that's Sam alright. The thing is…" She looked upward, hunting for the words for a second. "I thought he'd…accepted being here. But now…it's like he's given up going home, wherever that is, but now he's just…really lost."

"That's the word for it."

"He says things like he wants to learn more about the world he's now living in, as if he's trying to find something else. As if…"

Annie didn't want to say what she thought. She held the glass in both hands, clutching it as if it would keep her steady. Chris shook his head.

"If he can't see how great you are, then he's got bigger problems then we both realised."

A flush of various emotions and their accompany images ran over her. One of them was Sam driving away from her, and the hurt she felt knowing that he'd ceased to feel for her what she felt for him, that he was drifting away and lost to her probably forever. Another, not quite as strong, but enough to make her feel a bit better, was Chris's concentrated expression when he was learning something new, either about life or policing, from Sam. He'd grown up so much in the two years Sam had been there, and that he was standing there in the Railway Arms with her, trying to make her feel better without simply trying to make her laugh was testament to that.

Annie swallowed, and gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

Chris tried to shrug it off, but his cheeks were clearly turning a bright pink, and he looked away from her. That surprised Annie, but she felt her smile widen at the reaction, and she shifted her body a bit closer to his.

*

"You right, love?"

Of the many things Annie was feeling right then, alright wasn't one of them. But she made herself look as bright as possible when she turned towards the Guv. "Yeah, I'm alright."

Somehow, he didn't seemed convinced. Even looking disheveled as he was, the Guv still looked imposing and convinced of his own opinion.

Annie tried to change the subject. "Hope you didn't exhaust my mum too much."

The Guv waved his glass around to indicate nonchalance. "She's kept pace with me. Not quite sure who was turning who on the dance floor."

He brought the glass to his mouth, but he stopped before speaking again.

"Tyler not bringing you down, was he?"

"He was congratulating me, that's all. Said he hoped I would keep working after this."

"Should bloody well hope so! You might be a bird, but you're a bloody good copper. The Gene Genie is going to hang on to you for as long as possible."

That made her laugh, and suddenly her future felt enormously secure.

The Guv took another swig of his champagne. He fizzed it in his mouth for a moment, and then swallowed it. "Tyler's an idiot, and Chris is a good bloke. May be a bit thick sometimes, but he's dependable. Remember that."

And that almost did it. As the tiny lump formed in her throat, Annie thought it odd how when the Guv was trying to unsettle her at work, she could weather it quite easily now (besides, it was happening less and less these days). But now he was trying to comfort her…

"I know." She hated that her voice was soft when she spoke. But better that then tears on her wedding day.

"Frankly, we all question what we're doing on this day. What makes us human, you know?"  
Annie glanced at the Guv, but he wasn't looking at her. Rather, his gaze was directed at something far off, past the marquee and into the darkness beyond.

Then he seemed to shake it off, and he gulped down the rest of his champagne and swung his arm around Annie shoulders.

"Come on, let's get you back to the groom before Ray convinces him to have another five pints."

*

The night-light definitely on, Annie closed Nancy's door. She looked down the corridor to her and Chris's bedroom, the light from his bed side lamp making it look like a quiet cave with a fire inside.

As inviting as it was, she waited for a moment, her hand still on the door handle.

It wasn't that she could complain, or even wanted to. Every in her life was going just as she wanted. She had a family and had also managed to keep her job. Her husband tried his hardest to make both things work for her, and she tried to make life here at home run happily for everyone. It was rather that there were times that she wondered…wondered if she could have done something different, said something different, worked harder at understanding Sam and perhaps…it would have turned out like this, but…she didn't want to put the word to it that was coming to her mind.

As she remembered the Guv's words to her at the wedding, she further wondered if those thoughts would ever go away.

Perhaps they weren't meant to. Perhaps life was always about making the best choices with what you had at the time.

Annie turned the corridor light off, and she went into her and Chris's bedroom. Chris was sitting up still, waiting for her. He gave a low wolf whistle as she undressed, as he often did, and she pretended to berate him for it while she pulled her nightie over her head.

His hands were soothing on her back and hair as she curled up next to him.

\---  
End


End file.
